Fading !

We are entering Idul Fitri for this year, tonight were just so cool and crowded, amazing, imagine I'm still living and celebrate it with all over lovely people in my life, though so, it will be a really perfect life !

*****

It reminds me so much how the times ran when Dad still around, especially on each Idul Fitri like this, He'd be the one I forgived myself for, when I turned back home from "Ied" praying in the morning, He'd be the one smiled in front of home, He'd be the one made me so excited about those days, so bad to think it would never happen again, especially for tomorrow, the first "ied" pray for this year, and problably will be the day I miss Him so much.

I'm praying for you, of course! I'd never took myself away from you, Dad, but still, it was hard to find "Ikhlas" thing they said, I was grown up with you, around you, in your hugs, and I miss a lot all the moments we stuck together, I miss a lot all nights you adviced me things, and I miss your story, I was grown up to live so close with you but you were gone this time, when I think myself still so kiddy, I miss you a lot Dad.

Whatever they said, I just ignore anything, I really think I need You tonight cause this is a really worse Idul Fitri than ever, I need you to enchant me better to go to the "real" things, I miss you to tell your story beside me, we're gonna talk about my favourite songs or movies Dad, anything, or just remember Idul Fitri or things we'll gonna run for tomorrow, foods we will eat, more place we'll gonna go, anything, I just want to do it all with you, do you think about me tonight, Dad?

Happy Idul Fitri 1432 H, though I'm not beside you anymore but you know, I'm still lovin' you more than anything in earth, and you're the only one I miss so bad, forgive me for all things made you sick, I'm not a beautiful and right daughter you had, but I'm just completely want to be 'something' for you, even now still nothing.

*****

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect

[Simple Plan-Perfect]

Whatever it takes, I think now I'm still learning to live away from you, pray you allright there in the heaven, I love you :)