--"Kadang ya, rasanya 'ini' terlalu cepat"

"Kenapa 'ini' harus terlalu lama?"

********

Pengen dimusiumin banget gaksi🙃

You

"Sometimes I wish I met you earlier."

--Me, exhale, "I think I wouldnt feel the same way if I met you 7 years ago"

"Cause you're with a person?"

--"Because I havent yet at this point of life, that makes me think and role like this, having this mindset."

"Thats exactly why I wanted it to".

*****

Screw pick-up lines, I need more energy boost like this😋

Us. (Part 1)

and so the greatest chapter of life is about to begin...

We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes

And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you

I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared

But I am willing

And even better

I get to be the other half of you

[I Choose You -- Sara Bareilles]

I've spent last of 30 minutes thinking about how to be spirited and more outgoing in this kind of not so ready to face monday mood, googling about mood boosting tips and my browser tabs are full of it, my head is kinda heavy, my tummy is uncomfortable, I even went to my office cafetaria and buy three pieces of bakwan and eat it all by myself, this is my second day of period and I most likely to have dysmenorrhoea, you can click the link because I barely know it too :D Okay, inhalee.....exhale.....inhale.......exhale......

Dear self, you've been through a lot and you know it, there would be more obstacles to face in the future but you are now a much ready person than ever, do not rush, do not panic, everything is fine, it's even so fine not to know so much--lots of things about your work stuffs like your senior ever told you once that he learnt it by years to get to know a whole of work they have here, that is okay, that is okay to feel small because you have time to struggle more as you always do, you will learn so much more too, look back, sometimes, and thank God about what you have now.

errr, who wrote those stuffs above, please... bye!

Title The Untitled

As a strict life planner, I always know when I need to do something and why I'm going to do that, I always know what I want, like, everytime I look back, its just a little memory proofs that I mostly encounter everything based on 'what to do' 'what to choose' and why and why personally on my head. In daily activities, I used to be patient if it requires me to choose because I might have think about "the-it-all", the consequences, how to live that decision, etc, etc, everything that caused me scare and overthinking, and often, sad. That's why I guess I have only limited option cause I was only a restrained person.

In short, I hate uncertainty.

I don't risk, and my thoughts would not always right, I might be wrong, I already cancelled plenty of 'should-be-yes' decisions because I was too afraid, it's so much complicated to be myself, I know even it's humanly right to be wrong, but hell no, I wasn't made that way.

This is a realization I need to confess right now, during work, and slightly sliding memories in my head cause I'm that pro about multi-task, THIS IS ABOUT I SHOULD HAVE SAID SO MANY YES TO THINGS THAT HAS LEFT, and I shouldn't regret, because there's no place left on my head to process these kinda stuffs, my head is kinda heavy right now.

no, darling, my life is in its amazing patch, don't mistaken, this is just...trash.

Weird

More than a year being an officer and being called as "Ibu Suci" every single damn time I talk with people that has business with me (not co-workers) is still annoying like a lot like I lost words to use in every convos and I can't help but cursing myself why am I feeling like I'm 15 year old girl to be treated as and I will be just quiet and listen to them and they would end the chat faster with..."okay, then."

Maybe I'm still 15 year old girl with a lot more of responsibilities.

Cold

Do you feel the same?

Or I'm only dreaming?

Is this burning, an eternal flame?

***

Shane Filan did a good job by recycling "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles (1988).