We are entering Idul Fitri for this year, tonight were just so cool and crowded, amazing, imagine I'm still living and celebrate it with all over lovely people in my life, though so, it will be a really perfect life !

*****

It reminds me so much how the times ran when Dad still around, especially on each Idul Fitri like this, He'd be the one I forgived myself for, when I turned back home from "Ied" praying in the morning, He'd be the one smiled in front of home, He'd be the one made me so excited about those days, so bad to think it would never happen again, especially for tomorrow, the first "ied" pray for this year, and problably will be the day I miss Him so much.

I'm praying for you, of course! I'd never took myself away from you, Dad, but still, it was hard to find "Ikhlas" thing they said, I was grown up with you, around you, in your hugs, and I miss a lot all the moments we stuck together, I miss a lot all nights you adviced me things, and I miss your story, I was grown up to live so close with you but you were gone this time, when I think myself still so kiddy, I miss you a lot Dad.

Whatever they said, I just ignore anything, I really think I need You tonight cause this is a really worse Idul Fitri than ever, I need you to enchant me better to go to the "real" things, I miss you to tell your story beside me, we're gonna talk about my favourite songs or movies Dad, anything, or just remember Idul Fitri or things we'll gonna run for tomorrow, foods we will eat, more place we'll gonna go, anything, I just want to do it all with you, do you think about me tonight, Dad?

Happy Idul Fitri 1432 H, though I'm not beside you anymore but you know, I'm still lovin' you more than anything in earth, and you're the only one I miss so bad, forgive me for all things made you sick, I'm not a beautiful and right daughter you had, but I'm just completely want to be 'something' for you, even now still nothing.

*****

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect

[Simple Plan-Perfect]

Whatever it takes, I think now I'm still learning to live away from you, pray you allright there in the heaven, I love you :)

Another Feel

"Why did you feel desperate when you see someone's life is super super super fun than your life? 

someone might have any favor, but what you had and think, is one that they wont entry"

-Nurul Suciana-

Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

@katyperry : The new song skyscraper by @ddlovato is pure perfection. Her voice is one of the BEST undiscovered beauties. Can't wait for the full record.

LOL!! yeah I heard the Demo was so great then I wonder what the song was, this is really really sweet mood by Demi, another my feel, so much. If you need the lyric, here it is :

Skies are crying

I'm watching

Catching teardrops in my hand

Only silence as its ending, like we never had a chance

Do you have to, make me feel like theres nothing left of me

You can take everything I have

You can break anything I am

Like I'm mad of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper, Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears

I awaken, and untangle you from me, 

Would it make you, feel better to watch me while I bleed

All my windows, still are broken

But I'm standing on my feet

Go run run run 

i'm gonna stay right here

Watch you dissapear

Yeah, its a long way down

But I'm closer to the clouds up here

So, yeah, what a song, adding at my playlist to change the bad mood into sweet! haha great job demi, you are not alone :D

...She Made Everything's Great When I Couldnt Watch Paramore's Concert!

Its Sonia Eryka, when I though about Paramore suddenly reminds me to her, yeah! The same Incridible one's like Hayley, and tonight, paramore played in Jakarta, I wish I could watch it, but its impossible cause I live in a damn faraway place from there.

And I wish I would figure it out clearly in the next post in her blog, I love her writings, her accoustic cover, and her sense of fashion, she is rock!!

I'm on My Way to Believin'

Stargazing tonight, the stars just perfect, mussy and shine, I havent stargazed for problably two or three months, thats why I'm so excited and cant stop staring at the unique creatures over there--> when I was a kid, I dreamt to be an astronaut and imagine hows easy them sit on a star <-- haha yeah, freak thinking, I do love the stars so much, and because I didnt have something to do outside every night-except MTQ lately, I spent my time to watch the stars and let the melancholic feeling comes and I'm always enjoying every single moments of it :)

****

"...You are the only exception,

you are the only exception,

you are the only exception...

and I'm on my way to believin'...

and I'm on my way to believin...."

[Paramore-The Only Exception]

This is not the first time Paramore tried to kill me, Hayley's voice was perfect, reminds me of so much things we have done, sometimes I asked myself "Is it real?" hahaha, I dont think I have to write about lovestory or stuffs (again) here, something stuck in my head now.

Lol, its been long time I didnt think deeply about personal thing like love stuffs, and haven't planning for it, now I'm garnering the things I know about you, its bunch! I guess I know you more than I have to, lol, kidding :) I'm happy even just write or typing your name, I'm thinking of you in a whole of days, even I'm on a miff busier situation, thinking of you will always made my day :))

I think you influence me better, theres no one enchant me so much like you did, hahaha, falling in love is a stupidity isnt it? you made me feel special, dont you think we are a 'thing'? even now maybe in quiet wind, we are not in that time.

*sorry I'm just turning so sensitive, strongly thinking about it now

"...and I'm on my way to believin..."

****

P.S : I finished my busiest week ever, it will come on the next post, stay tune :D

Bite A Dream Yourself

.......I need the lonesome spot, my playlist, and my diary, to write and sing along, to exploring deeply about the signs, yeah, quite good at feeling, I think it's the best time to try to be an adult, life is sometimes hard, it's harder when I'm stop thinking, haha I can't stop it even I'm planning on it :D, I guess, yeah its time, I wanna speak louder, or scream, YEAH! ITS TIMEEE!!! even hurt, but its life, its a common, like My Sista, who gave me some inspiring things tonight, I tried so hard to be the one like her but problably I can prove it now, zzzz.. haha yeah its my time :D 

******

---I have a dream, a song to sing 

To help me cope, with anything

If you see the wonder, of a fairytale

You can take the future, even if you fail

I believe in angels, 

something good in everything I see

I believe in angles, 

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream

I have a dream-----

******

YEASH! I have a dream, its a problem, cause someone weird like me impossible could achieve what she wants, and its true again, hahaha, but also no problem, true I really proud to be pathetic, grunge dreamer girl's keeping a dream till the world ends but there's no regret about it :p

******

"please call me and sing, I intend to say more, but I do really miss a wish for sweet dreams..."

Sleep tight, everybody! :)

Frustrating!

I'm repeating one song since I found it from my friend this afternoon, Maher Zain titled Insya Allah, its made my heart so calm, I'm counting how long I'm living in this earth, its 18 years, even sometimes the happiness came suddenly and make me exciting about those things, but the suffers came most often, maybe I'd like to blame myself everytime, I blamed myself if anything goes wrong, in every moments, I suddenly give up, and its difficult to come up back, I try so hard everyday to live my life likes everyone's life, only talk and think about his responsibility of something, not take so much worst things to entering, problably I always enjoy anything, myself like 'play' everything and not like working hard, indeed, sometimes life such a simplicity, even you dont always judge my look outside, my mind roams more than I have to, made me sick, like today.

I dont know why but I always feel I'm alone, I know I live with much people around, its family and friends, I always can share them anything, but I'm not troublemaker and bothermaker's type, I will always feel I'm wrong then, (I'm sorry if I'm so much often do this with someone, feels like I really really need you and, yeah, its true. :) and everymoments in my life taught me to be pathetic, even I'm a dreamer, so freak dreamer, but I've never want so much something, I aware who I am, and its impossible to get the things like its always stuck in my head, like disease, I let them on, since I know about what dream is, and never want so much of them.

"Ohh why is everything so confusing

Maybe I'm just out of mind, 

Yeaahh........"

Yeah! Its true, Like Avril sings for me now. I guess I knew myself more than everybody around, a freak dreamer girl's living for counting the times, (really, its like counting something I've never seen, but I believe I need it), I always believe the fate, anything about it, but sometimes its made me crazy, I'm only need the truth and everything goes well, not always thinking. Could anyone proves how actually the world goes? 

This is about my college, I want Psychology major as hell, maybe, if you are close with me, you surely have known this, but yeah, now I got accounting major in economy faculty Unsyiah, its D3, I know its problably my fate, and I will take psychology in another chance, but really, the expense was so expensive, actually my mom has agreed about the expense but I didnt think I have to pay it in the day after I saw the result, I'm over frustrating, and always, I have to done it myself, alone, always it is. 

I'm not going so conceited to tell I've done always myself, sure I need them too.

Something stucks my head so bad, usually, I formed myself to think fast of anything, but its not work now, I cant think out from my ability, sad, uh? Yeah it was me.

"The mirror can lie

 Doesnt show you whats inside

and it, it can tell you're full of life

Its amazing what you can hide

Just by puting on a smile..."

Now Demi plays in my playlist, usually, the song always influenced me to be calm, but now, I guess I'm thinking more busier, the way which make me crazy when I'm done, like I will. and you know, I still thinking Dad watch me over there, He staring me, and If I could see it, I will always run to reach you dad, what I want is just cry in your hugs, I miss to share about my favourite songs, my favourite movies, even sometimes You cracked my playlist and said my favourite singers/bands just become so insane cause they were screaming alot than sing, but you made me laugh, and I always feel you just try to understand my life, my period, I'm a teen dad, its different and make you worry about, isnt it? 

Well, I miss you more than I imagine, you are just a superhero for me.

"I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down
Not today
I guess I always knew
That I had all the strength to make it through..."

Even world is going overrated, and it force me to see I'm just a girl with all restrictiveness, I create a dream my self, and I will reach it my self too, I dead and sick because livin' with so many dreamkillers, but its always not a fault to have my own dream, yeah! guess so.

"Not gonna be afraid
I'm going to wake up feeling beautiful..today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
So you see, now, now I believe in me

Now I believe in me "

All I have to do is just believe, world is so cruel, and I dont want to be more than it, God gave me anything and everything to think and hope, also try, so, at least I have to smile everytime show them I'm great, at least my Dad, who's carried everything on me, I'm just so lucky to had him.

******

Life is cruel, its a reality

But at least we try to let the tears gone!

FADING!

The College :)

Good evening everyone...

Today was exhausted, I've fought the same test for three times, yeah! its three times, in the same university, thats Unsyiah, in Darussalam, Banda Aceh, a little frustrating when I type "three times" around here, hahaha, I've passed SNMPTN and UMB with the truly worst nighmares ever, so, I hope for this time, only for this time, I'll have a good news.

The test started yesterday, we were going to two different place to interviewed, I guess it would be worst, or not great, but hahaha, yeah! its a truly nice experience, actually, its my very first interview, I fought it well, even nervous, stutters, gaze into interviewer in any moments made my heart likes gonna pop out from its place, hmm, but its so usual right? :D

Tomorrow, me, Dewi, Kiki, Sella went to PRODIS (Program D-III sekretaris) in Unsyiah, or school of secretarial behind Economy Faculty Unsyiah, which kinda far from the parking lot, especially me, dewi and sella, we were going to interview and want to see how great the building is, yess! Because it famous with “school with al of beautiful girls, I couldn’t stop staring at the clean place and full of flowers in the façade, although I’ve never imagine I will going into this place, but I do love it.

Yepp! You could guess it, there was a lot of beautiful girls, and looks so confident, wore beautiful dressed, high heels and stuffs, yeah! Maybe those were REAL girls’s my mom ever said, I’m not a real, I don’t hate high heels, but I never comfort to wear it, no comfort means no confident, no confident means shatter, and shatter = die, and die means? Yeah!! but as my interviewer said its an uniform, atfirst I think, what should I do? but now, hahaha, yeaah, I will try it :D

I didnt bring my camera yesterday, so today me, Dewi, and Kiki had a chance to take the pics, and its like some errors crash my camera :(

 the facade... :)

this is the place we took when we waited for it :)

me, dewi, and kiki :)

There we met Ade, Aluck, Abay, and three new friends, Icut, Vivi, and Erika, for interviewing PERBANKAN major, yeah! two majors came to interviewing. accidentaly, we meet them again today :)

Kiki, Vivi, Erika, and Dewi

And today, I though it was great, no more difficult questions and maybe I'm helpless? not really! haha, cause I always know God had create my fate well, and problably would more blast than I guess now. 

we met Shisy too :)

this is the park outside economy faculty, great :)

and as always, narcicsm spot :D

Like I always believe, if we are trying hard, something beautiful will always wait for us, cause God had provides everything, we just need to try and thanks :)

P.S : This post is dedicated for my interviewer, I'm sorry it came soo late, maam, I was so busy yesterday. but thanks for the nice "chat", it was my great experience ever :')

Believe in Me

Honestly, now I'm a fight trouble, and I heard this song all the times, I always love Demi, besides "This is Me", this song was awesome, I'm always being calm, speechless and ...sad, yeah! it was hard to me even I laughed all day, the lyric killed me, but still, I strongly feel I'm not alone when Demi said...


"I'm loosing myself... trying to compete... "


Sounds like, yeah! It was really REALLY me...

My Days Lately : Finally Ramadhan :3

Huhh!! Hii readers, saya akhirnya punya waktu luang buat nulis lagi, dengan kesibukan yang waaww! akhir-akhir ini, yaiiy! saya jadi sekretaris di kepanitiaan MTQ tahun ini (gaya-gayanya sibuk banget macem manajer artis, hahaha), jadi ada 'sedikit' pekerjaan yang harus saya selesaikan di kesekretariatan, pergi pagi, pulang sore, but I'm really enjoying it sooo much, terlebih karena kita yang ngatur acara yang kayaknya bakal diminati oleh banyak orang bulan ini, hahaha, as always, I'm always proud of myself when I'm being something useful :D

Ehh, btw udah puasa nih, saya pengin ngucapin selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa bagi semua yang menjalankannya, happy fasting everyone, you know, I'm always love ramadhan, jadi betapapun banyaknya pekerjaan sekarang, saya akan selalu menikmatinya, again, happy fasting, guys :D

Tadinya aku ke warnet cuma buat cetak kartu ujian ulang, yep! JMU D3 Unsyiah diundur sampe tanggal 6, kabarnya sih, pesertanya membludak lagi, mungkin itu orang-orang yang nggak lulus di JMU S1, dan belajar? haha, not at all, saya cuma lagi tertarik baca-baca sejarah doang sampe sekarang, dan kayaknya bukan masalah, saya agak nggak suka D3 karena nggak ada psikologinya, hahaha.

trus pas tadi sempet buka Facebook, saya baca statusnya okky, bestfriend saya juga di SMA, statusnya bikin terharu, hehehe, sempet speechless karena blog saya yang bukan apa-apa gini dinilai kreatif sama dia, dan sampe buat status :'), hehehe thanks gal, sering-sering aja mampir kemari yaa, hehehe :D

Yepp, cuma itu yang bisa dishare hari ini, day was BLAST! dan sekarang saya bakal balik lagi ke sekretariatan dan mungkin pulang sekitar jam 6 lagi, nggak apa-apa, I'm always enjoying it :3