Just A Little Bit Too Much

Semalem begadang sampe jam empat pagi, trus bangun beberapa jam kemudian kayak merasa dehidrasi, karena air di galon udah mau abis jadi cuman bisa neguk satu gelas doang dan akhirnya belabuh disini. *gak enak banget bahasanya berlabuh:D*

Jadi, ini ceritanya masih liburan  tidur-makan-wifian di alue bilie, Nagan Raya, sekitar dua jam diatas Aceh Barat, karena bosen, bisa kali ya kalo ngeshare sesuatu yang ditulis semalah, this is kinda super personal, yhaaaaaa emang selalu personal sih kayak biasanya juga, bukan maksud mau ngumbar-ngumbar, but you should know earlier this is the blog where I write to record my life *halaaahhhh apaan sih* here we go.

*****

Fin.

Love is a minefield. You take a step and get blown to pieces, put yourself back together again and stupidly take another step. I guess that's human nature. 
-- Kate Welles (Famke Janssen)

Now I have to remain myself is no more failure to make and more focus to live, Allah has been very very very very kind with life lessons and so much more opportunities ahead waiting for me to take, I have learnt that everything has shaped that way since every beginning no more than make us wiser in the end, Allah has showed that every doubts I have in my past relationship has this kind of result.

I didn’t hate myself for giving such every spirit to love, I loved very very deep, no, when something isn’t fall on it’s place doesn’t mean that my life will end, I know, I have so many times to figuring out more things today, especially to prove what I can do. I have unrealistic dream and I dare myself to make it happen today, I tried something very new to me which first I doubt myself but it went great so far, I’m so close with my bachelor degree, I have plenty of short term expectations, the most important thing is I have learnt that everything we plan it will be wiser to settled it first in our parents point of view—My mom felt okay with everything I take lately and she even said I have such a gift as seeing something in a good way—surprisingly, everything like has it’s own transformation, I’m no longer a person who avoid listening to the songs I loved in this past 5-6 years, okay, that’s quite shallow, me, for instance, hating the streets once, how I love being escape outside Banda Aceh just because I had so many-many-many-many-many memories there (yes, still about that last current problem), now I even see it as unforgivable thing for me being spoiled like that. I quite emotionally saying I have been through the worst thing (I can’t just write down here) and now my head has it’s own thing to overcome rather than wasting time having meaningless thinking that I should early know just to waste my time.

These 7 months parachute and he is we were always bother me, feeling betrayed or else—now they are playing in shuffle <3

I *in a strange way* is 22 year old who re-arrange stuffs I aim a lot since I was a kid, yes, it’s a lil bit lie because I’m not that type of person who always knows what I want (this is actually is the root of every trouble of my condition today), but, seriously, I’m shaping things today, wake up with schedule, starting day forcing myself not to be lazy and push myself harder to work even when I was so tired, I have told you, I should try twice everything today because of long gone mistakes I made and I have no regret afterall.

In *also* strange way, I can hear the conspiration of the world that made me I am today is when Allah tries to speak louder to me, I don’t need to put Mario Teguh quote in here right? I’m way more messier in putting words together but I loved to see my writings done :D Yes, Allah speaks to me, dragging me away and somehow moving on is one and only choice He gives to me. I was weaker few months ago, but I wasn’t the type of a person who get mad or mess somebody’s decision—who crazily entering somebody’s life and make them feeling guiltier, no, I’m this sentimental, I believe in destiny—I believe what I need to see to build a stronger me, it’s always weird but proud to try, hahaha:’))

Anyone can only see this writing is me trying to cheer myself up, well, I am, but I don’t have that much energy to put attention on things everyone says about me, even my friends keep remind me in a harsh way about old habbit which is actually gone but I’m still ‘being easy on it’, well, I’m grateful to have such super good friends in my life, Dewi, for instance, and CBC, whom always there, living life together, making dream happens together, that’s sometimes thing I take for granted and the rest I know this is the only one best treasure I still have till today.

For somebody out there *if you still read my writings, you will always know it’s you, yes, you know what, it’s still you, it’s always been you*, I really really really do happy that you are living your dream today, I’m sorry I’m that selfish, but I can picture my work is done then, we were a pair in everything though, yes, in the past, I can see you are also living happier life with the new person today, no, I’m lying or being super innocent saying I’m not jealous, but in the best way (I don’t care if this saying is only some crap to make me sleep well tonight), you should know, you have made me the happiest, you have also made me I am today, you have done super great works as the best partner I have so far, I don’t get mad to you, if I could just write the last *I promise you this is the last* message to you it would always be:

Go, go follow your dream, satisfy yourself, make your parents happy, go make you the man your dad will always tell his friends about, be the best son, the best brother, don’t forget your friends behind, never skip your prayer, have a faith if it’s hard today doesn’t mean it’ll be hard forever, you’re brilliant, you’re amazing, you’re smart, and you have everything, just be the best version of yourself then, people loves you.

Like in two seconds I know, you would never have time to even see this blog anymore, it’s okay, you’re just the reason behind but I don’t always write to you, this is to me, as you can see. :)