I Signed Your Name

It's always time like this when I think of you and I wonder if you think of me. -Vanessa Carlton, A Thousand Miles

I always hate to talk about my personal love story ever since I couldn't find any sweet because we were stucking in a long distance with limited connection caused of his current college, I thought it was, but I realized something why I love so much to listen that kind of lyric since then, lyric will always be something we can't verbalize in sentence, and how I love to searching for the same lyric and collect some sad songs, I was in love with sadness things, sad lyric, sad novel, sad ending story blabla but it's now different when I only heard that kind of lyric without feeling anything yet numb, when thing I only did is looking at nothing without even thinking of anything, deep inside, it's him.

To be more dramatic, or disgusting, I'm losing something, like a half of me is now being so faraway and I'm desperately lonely, I done my work feeling nothing, fortifying myself with higher laziness each day, then sleep became the best thing I love, sleep and dream...nothing, feeling like life is that empty and the most thing hate is, being alone when I'm being surrounded by a lot of people, a lot of friends, and college stuffs, becoming angry with everything, bothers myself with bad minds, and even get angrier, doing nothing, wasting time, and so much thing I can't type. 

Just because I loved to watch some of Hindi movies since here so I became this ridiculous. *self pukpuking*

I once, or often said, and wrote that long distance couldn't break two hearts those really want to be together, seriously, distance is not an obstacle, it is just only a journey in somebody's life, to me it does, it did, it wasn't this hard when I woke up in the morning reading your text or when I could tell you anything whenever I want, it was just never this hurt when the only thing I need is to hear your opinion and you were there, seriously, now I'm in so low term of life and I need you there.

I wasn't give up and I know how your feeling when you once sorry-ing me about this situation, we always find the way, I believe in that because that was always true in a long journey of our relationship, we always find the way back home, and I don't blame you, I don't blame this situation, I know it's also hard to you even we tried to skip all those sadness crap when we found time to say hello and having a long of chit-chat, a long means the longest was a day, the shortest was like we just did, shorter than 10 minutes, and then you promise to call me later, you know what, I don't hope too much, I won't be sad when we can't having phone-call this week, I won't let things change, I won't change, I will stay.

...the fight for you is all I ever known, so come home. -One Republic, Come Home.

Forgive me for being too dramatic or I'm a very dramaqueen, sometimes I know I will think of what my friends always asked, "What makes you really sure?"-kind of questions, I think love does, I think 'love' is the best reason to make thing seems so forgivable, no, I think I don't make any mistake of loving you and I let it grow higher everyday, I confused with my current life, and all I do is I hope to not blame you for not being there when I really need, I'm scare one day this distance seperates us, I'm scare if one day we remain ex, I afraid to not end up with you, because you're the only thing that lives inside, the one I share my life with, and the reason why I keep silent this far.

Distance means so little when someone means so much...finally I type this :( I used to think that when we ikhlas enough, we don't have to type that kind of things, hope this doesn't make me less ikhlas.