Cant stand the fact that Im falling so hard for you.

That every decision made feel so right.

Dear husband to be, 

I wish we met earlier, in the day I fought with myself everyday and how I was just a little mess, that I doubt that you would feel the same, 

I wish I met you when I was just started to renew my life 4 years ago, 

and sometimes I wish I met you when I still played in my yard catching butterflies,

I wish I found you earlier than finding my own self,

That I'm sure I would have been better,

That I wouldn't need to break myself to pieces, to sacrifice more than needed to find what happiness really is,

I wish I knew you first above all, 

This kind of feeling to write at 1:37 a.m

I could never say this straight to you,

I love you more than you know, more than you already believe,

And I'll be with you, accompany you, for the good and the bad, I will always be with you.

H-13 before the wedding. 

Feeling nervous about to wear a dress, a crown, being captured, being a spotlight.

Too much,

But never too worry about being a wife, about marriage life, about things that will come, about us.

And suddenly I understand, I have found the one, my perfect fit, my bestfriend, my missing piece.

I know you barely know my blog and you hate it because I never wrote anything in bahasa, but I'm already so full I can burst. Lets make a perfect team, sayang♡

When You Need to Post at 4 pm In The Morning

Being sick for almost a week, Mom is being my right handed person now, not just providing me everything I need but also the moral support itself, because sometimes, you need to keep on side things that driven inside yourself, and its impossible without mom right now, never been able to imagine. Fiancé also spent a day accompanying me, bought me some medicines and other things, brought me to the hospital, checking me everytime when he couldn't make it to be around me, even covered "Bohemian Rhapsody" tonight. 

When in other side, I left all of my outstanding works, cant help but feeling guilty of things I should be done but cant make it right now, in the moment where I feel Im on my lowest point of this work-life things, but still wake up feeling great and happy. I really dont know what happen and what I have done to make me deserve this.

and so the journey begins

Being accompanied to ride home at 10, while my place is so far from yours, while you got cough and cold and some other illness and brought no sweater, I got super hectic schedule and spent so little time with you, but its ok because you would struggle to make that little time works by having me complaining about everything and there you are always getting my things covered, sing a long westlife songs, fooling around, and having my best laugh for today, then I knew that nothing else in this world matters.


I love you, A. :)

Yep.

These past years were hillarious to me, as I took it scene by scene tonight  I didnt know how to get here nor what I ve done, everythings seems like have gone so fast in a blink. Forced to have new perspective in 2015, everything was change that year , struggling to have my thesis done in time, being a jobseeker, had no clue, had no money, working everywhere to pay a little bill myself, everything was so hard yet so amazing to recall it by now, my life has never been too much easy, I know, but I've never been myself like after 2015, it taught me so many things as I learn how to kept the weight myself.

Today, things are changing, everyday can be so exciting, gained to know more everyday, getting to places to learn, surrounded by many amazing people, family is always my source of spirit, enganged with one of the kindest human being, friends are still the craziest and my comfort zone, everything isn't like how I experience two or three years ago. Life has been super awesome now.

but, sometimes, everything I left there still has it power to make me want to cry, just like right now.

:')

Today I feel so happy because everything went well, my work-life is just getting heavier but my realtionship to all colleagues just getting better, my sister has signed her new dream job, my family relationship just getting closer, all of my close friends in my college finally found their job, and fiance launched his office today and being busier than ever, probably this is the first time I'm being so happy that I wanted to cry at the same time. I'm happy for everyone I didn't get chance to see too often but they are fine anyway...

I really meant it because it feels like I want to cry but now I'm still at my desk doing one or two work left for today.

The last is that we (me and fiance) already found our H day, and our relationship just developed into some serious talks and plans, and plans, and I can't thank God enough for revolving my world around this person, I gained positive energy almost everyday and feeling so blessed.

2019 would be a kick off transformation for almost everything, life has been so good and God has always been so kind. 

Alhamdulillah...

31 December

"How's work?"

"Passive."

I Do.

finally engaged to the most fun, loving, and caring person, it's magical when everything you aimed comes true, actually, this feels even more than what I aimed, as a nobody, it would be so fussy to hope everything you want in life is granted by God, but God is good, He always do, He granted things that even I forgot to put in prayers, and in a blink, He blows up my entire world.

It's funny because I was so pathetic this early year, my job a lil bit prevented me to look up to other things, I didn't even know when would I start dating again, this feels like so fast even though in fact, it doesn't (I repeated "so fast" like too much, enough to make him upset :D), I didn't even sure what I actually did when he proposed, but I've never been so sure being with a person.

Alhamdulillah,

I hope that everything goes well, can't believe what I've done like I flew somewhere faraway, everything seems so different now, and it's exciting and feel so right. In the end, I hope that we can make a good spouse, an excellent partner, that we will always be there for each other, that no matter how hard our day, we will always getting back on each other arms. 

********

....I wanna put a thick and long YAIIIIIIIYYYYYYY because finally, finally, finallyyyyyyy :')))))

You taught me how to be beyond thankful, beyond blessed, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you like the very bit of it like in my every heartbeat. God knows I only want you and I cant wait for our day too xx)

Kindness wins, always, and you are the kindest I know. Thank you for being so sure with me.

"Gapapa ding alay sekarqng, puas puasin aja, nanti bisa bikin malu.."

I got a lot to think about, but I choose this one over all.

Gadget Addiction and Other Things

Lately, and by that I mean it's been few months already, I thought I kinda really addicted with my smartphone, scrolling Instagram for nothing, scrolling through old funny messages in Whatsapp Messanger, browsing this and that, searching old songs in Joox, I could spend hours doing nothing but staring at my phone, it's not like I never did that, but I didn't do that everyday, like, after office hours, during office hours when it's lack of work to be done, sometimes before office too, not to mention my weekend, this is so far steals my sanity, every procrastinating I did is because I was spending too much time with this little stuff on my hand, this really bothers me, at least that's why I write -____-

I already planned to cook for a long time, at least in weekend because I am one of the worst cook (probably not, I did cook and people ate my food without complaining, ini mau ngebela diri sendiri demi self-esteem aja sih muehehehe), I always planned to cook at weekend but then I can only remember it again in sunday night CK!, but things are different as I plan (or us, me and bf :D) to go to the next level next year a.k.a yes, getting married, what else? :D, this is really something, even, he knows that I'm no good with being at home and doing house work, like, cleaning the house, cooking, even he knows I'm not really neat as a woman and horeeee he doesn't complain, but traditionally, I perceive that a woman should cook, no matter how busy, how little she spent her time at the house, I have this thing inside of me that I'll be the woman my family will depend on, like, being responsible on everything, my work, my house duty, fulfilling my husband and kids needs,  as I grow up, I believe I already witness enough examples about type of women, and as all we know, nobody's really perfect, I don't want to be perfect, I only wanna be reliable.

Ini udah kemana sih? 

Oke, soal kecanduan smartphone.

At home, if there's no smartphone, I tried to open my laptop and go on movies folder, I had so many movies I haven't watch, last time I watched "Crazy Rich Asian" and I'm one of those people who thinks the movie was like, meh, just that, but the visual, I know I kinda liked it, so if I once leaving my phone, my head leads me to watch and skip (skip watching, as I said lol) "Crazy Rich Asian", by saying my head is leading, I mean, that one thing popped on my mind if I take a little time off staring at phone, what a sad truth :".

I got a long list of what to do but I haven't done anything in my life besides my work right now, I also need to improve my english, to open my accounting books to recall so many things, I need to clean out, really clean out my room, I want this, I want that, but now I wonder, where is my self-control?

Spending almost 20 minutes writing this because I checked my phone at least 5 times during this, I am ugly I wanna cry.

Semakin meneliti, semakin pula paham tentang makna padi semakin berisi semakin menunduk.

Manusia itu, jika benar ilmunya banyak, keliatan semakin ramah dan rendah hati..

P.S: Belakangan merasa sangat sangat bersyukur karena selalu ditempatkan Allah di sekitar orang-orang seperti ini. Alhamdulillah. (kadang sering bgt ngerasa saya nggak pernah ngapa-ngapain tapi dikasih banyak terus sama Allah, I feel beyond blessed, happyyy :')